Camino Day 17 - Santiago de Compostela!!!

Santiago de Compostela - 8 September, 2014

I made it to Santiago. I can't believe I just walked 200 miles across a foreign country. The blisters on my feet, the pain in my muscles and the fatigue in my heart do nothing but deepen the gratitude I feel for being able to take this pilgrimage.

Ramon, Don and I arrived in Santiago together yesterday. As we approached the medieval city center, I was overcome by emotion. Reaching Santiago with my new friends and celebrating such an amazing feat with them was one of the best feelings I've ever had in life.

We arrived just in time for midday mass at the cathedral and the swinging of the botafumeiro. We were scrunched into the aisles during the service, shoulder to shoulder with hundreds of other peregrinos. Honestly, it wasn't quite the cathartic, spiritual experience I expected - it was more of a tourist attraction than anything else. So I attended an English-language mass this morning to really contemplate the end of my pilgrimage.

During this mass, I found out that the 8th of September is the date that Christians celebrate the birthday of Saint Mary which was simply amazing to me. When I left home, I decided at the last minute to bring along this small, glow-in-the-dark plastic statue of Saint Mary. I can't even remember who gave it to me, but for as long as I can remember she's been in my bedroom and I've felt comforted by her watching over me. I never knew why I decided to bring her along but every day of the Camino, I carried her in my right front pants pocket. Walking on those dark mornings and those times I felt so lonely, I clutched her in my fist and felt better. And it turns out, I finished my pilgrimage on her birthday. During mass, the priest said that Mary was God's favorite daughter and the relationship between a father and daughter is so very special. He said that people pray to Saint Mary because it helps to have a daughter champion a prayer to her father. That I arrived in Santiago on Saint Mary's birthday not fully knowing why I kept a statue of her with me for the past two and a half weeks is far beyond a coincidence. I don't really know the significance of this, but I know in my heart that there is great meaning behind it.

So often on this trip, I got to choose if I wanted to be alone to write about what I was going through or go out with other people and participate in this extraordinary experience. I think that may be what I am most proud of on my Camino: the number of times I chose to participate rather than observe.

I started these Camino posts with poems I came across and would like to close with a Santiago Pilgrims' Blessing:

Father God we ask your blessing on us,

pilgrims who have come to venerate

the tomb of your Apostle Santiago.

As you kept us safe on our Camino way,

may you keep us safe on our journey home.

And, inspired by our experience here,

may we live out the values of the Gospel

as our pilgrimage through life continues.

Amen.

Camino Day 13

4 September, 2014 - Palas de Rei

Another day on the Camino and the second in a row walking in no sun. That kind of tricks my body into thinking it can go longer than it should. Luckily my head comes into play and shuts that down pretty quickly.

I haven't mentioned the father and daughter pair I've met from New Zealand - Bruce and Lydia. They are both great! I met them in Triacastela along with the others and we'll probably be in the same towns until Santiago. I met them through Ramon. It is interesting meeting different people in such a different environment from their norm but still see their roles coming through. Like Bruce, for example, acts quite fatherly toward me which is actually very comforting. He keeps to himself but when I offered something up like that I am doing laundry or looking for a store for a camera battery charger (mine fried back in Ponferrada and this is my second attempt at finding a proper replacement) he offered to add my clothes to their load and told me about electronics stores I might try around town. That feeling of comfort I got reminds me of a scene in this TV show called Girls. The main character talks about how when we are little and we drop and break a glass, how our dad keeps us away and out of harm until he cleans up all the glass - but how when we are older, there isn't anyone that does that for us anymore.

There is something very liberating about striking out on your own. You learn to do things you never thought you would do. You learn things about yourself that you never thought you would know. But there is also something very freeing about depending on others. Asking for help allows us to be vulnerable and being taken care of shows us the best of humanity.

I'm writing this as I sit in a restaurant having just ordered dessert, by the way - ice cream cake or "torta helada" and wine (duh). The first white wine - vino blanco - I've had here in Spain and of course it is amazing.

So this morning I left in the dark again but this time I was by myself. Yesterday, I walked with Ji Wuk and Aldo in the dark. But it's quite difficult to wait for the light because sunrise isn't until 8am which means I wont get to my next stop until about 3pm. Now that I am getting closer to Santiago, there are many more pilgrims on the Way and far fewer beds available so I've been trying to get into town by 2pm or earlier.

Anyway, I made sure to put my flashlight in my pocket for easy access and I'm glad I did. I brought it out as I was climbing the hills through a dense, forested area in the dark. There was a good 20 minutes when I couldn't see or hear other pilgrims either in front of or behind me and I started to get nervous. I started hearing rustling just off the trail and my mind started cutting to all the worst possible scenarios - pretty bleak stuff. I wasn't sure if I should continue on or sit by myself and wait for who knows how long for another pilgrim or group to come up from behind me.

But then, I squeezed my flashlight and remembered that it was the one I got from family day at my brother Mike's work. So I kept going and imagined that Mike was walking along right beside me - just like the time in Yosemite. We were hiking down from Half Dome and I was sick, dehydrated and had massive blisters on both feet. He just talked to me the whole way down to distract me from the pain. So I imagined him doing the exact same thing this morning. It was like he was right there with me - asking me questions about my Camino so far and how excited I was for Liverpool. Imagining him walking along beside me helped keep me from panicking, kept me walking forward and kept me from thinking that some huge thing was going to jump out from the darkness and attack me.

So I texted Mike when I was clear from the trees to thank him for the flashlight. I don't know if he ever got the text and I don't know if he will ever know how important that flashlight will be to me from now on but I hope he knows how important he is to me.

Dear God, please bless Mike, Erin and smart, beautiful, fun Kate. Keep them all healthy and happy and always let them know how much they are loved. Amen.

Camino Day 12

3 September, 2014 - Portomarin

Okay, so it's been a few days. Let's see...I left off last in O'Cebreiro so Triacastela was next. The downhill between O'Cebreiro and Triacastela was pretty tough - I generally go pretty quick downhill but it also hurts my joints a ton more than uphill. Also, to add a fun little wrinkle, I only had a 5 euro note for two days because there wasn't a cash machine up at the top of the hill.

Morning on the way to Triacastela - I get to walk down into these valleys

So I got to Triacastela, found an albergue then went in search of a cash machine so I could pay for a bed for the night! It turns out that albergue was the best on my entire Camino because I met some of the coolest pilgrims - almost all of whom I am sure I will keep in contact with.

First, I set off to hang my laundry on the line where I met Ramon. Ramon is from Venezuela originally, lived in Madrid for about 10 years and now lives in London. I started talking to him in Spainsh, "Hola, como estas? Da donde?" To which he promptly replied, "Don't worry, we can speak in English if you like." Ha! At first I was a bit annoyed that he wouldn't let me practice my Spanish, but I was so happy when we kept talking.

Ramon had to go call his girlfriend back in London so I was sitting in the common area waiting for my laundry to dry when I met Brendan from Singapore. Brendan is a huge Liverpool Football Club supporter! I was telling him about studying in Liverpool after the Camino and we instantly bonded. It turns out he and his wife went to England for their honeymoon and they got to go to a match at Anfield!

After chatting with Brendan, I went up to my room where I met three of my new roommates - Don, Peter and Jose. Don is from Dallas and is looks to be in his late-50s or early-60s. Pete is from Glasgow but lives and works in London. It turns out that Pete works in the same neighborhood where Ramon lives! Small world. Jose is from Alicante, a beach city here in Spain. I don't know what Jose does, but he seems to be a bit punk rock-ish. He showed us a picture of himself with shoulder-length hair wearing a kilt at a hard rock music festival.

These guys were so fun to hang out with! We all went to dinner together and chatted about our routes and proposed towns that we will be staying in. We talked about why we are doing the Camino and what we hope to get out of it and drank lots of vino tinto.

It turns out I ran into Ramon in Sarria yesterday and today in Portomarin along with Don and Pete. Don and Pete walked from St. Jean. They both go about 30 kilometers a day but want to arrive in Santiago on Don's birthday on September 8th. I really like hanging out with these guys so I'm going to try to push myself to keep pace with them.

Yesterday at the albergue in Sarria, I met two more new friends! Aldo is an Italian who is walking the Camino for the FIFTH time!! And Ji Wuk is in her early-20s from South Korea but is studying in Germany for a term. I walked with Aldo and Ji Wuk this morning in the pitch dark out of Sarria. Aldo speaks Italian and a bit of Spanish, Ji Wuk speaks a bit of Spanish and English and I speak English and a bit of Italian. So between the three of us we were able to communicate fairly well.

I've met so many new friends in the past three days that I just didn't feel like writing. I'm trying to participate rather than observe and while that means less frequent journal entries, it also means more meaningful relationships with my new friends.

Walking from Sarria to Portomarin yesterday was very pleasant. Even though we started walking in the dark, there were a ton of people walking together so it wasn't too scary. Sarria is the city which is 100 kilometers from Santiago - it's the closest city where people can start their Camino and still get their compostela - certificate for completing the Camino. So there are a ton more people in general plus a lot more of a commercialized feel to everything. But it is still part of the Camino and there is definitely still something to learn from this stretch of the Way.

Cold walk from Sarria to Portomarin

The walk was really foggy and quite chilly. So while my feet hurt the appropriate amount for having walked over 20 kilometers, my body felt like it could keep going. But the next town was another 8 kilometers of walking. So I'm staying here in Portomarin as I had planned.

After about a week on the Camino, I finally settled into a good walking routine. I leave by 7:30am, stop for tea and a croissant after about 6-8 kilometers. I then walk for another 8 kilometers or so before I should stop for a break. That is usually about an hour or so before I get into the town I stay in that night. I'm planning to get into town and reserve a bed by 1 or 2 pm each day now. I don't want to risk not getting a bed with so many more people walking the Camino now.

Portomarin

Well, I've just run into Don, Pete and Ramon. Don and Pete are moving on but Ramon is staying here in Portomarin. I'm meeting him for dinner later so I'm off to take a shower.

Dear God, please bless all of my new friends. Thank you for bringing them into my life. Please help us keep in contact throughout and after the Camino and please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Amen.

Camino Day 9

31 August, 2014 - O'Cebreiro

Today was the big climb out of the valley of Valcarce up into Galicia. Though it was a relatively short distance to hike (8.1 kilometers or 5 miles), it took about three and a half hours from when I stepped out of the hotel to when I made it to the church. The climb was tough - straight uphill for pretty much the entire time - but it wasn't awful. I can feel my body getting stronger every day out here.

It is pretty amazing to notice how my body is changing. I can sense how high my metabolism is and I can feel the muscles in my back every time I take a step on the trail. I notice the muscles in my legs every time I hoist my pack on and, although they are really sore every single day, I can tell the muscles in my feet are getting stronger too.

The hike up to O'Cebreiro was wonderfully challenging. It started winding through roads in tiny sleepy villages around dawn then broke into the wilderness. Covered by luscious trees, the trail went from asphalt to dirt quickly after the start. It is at this stage of the Camino where pilgrims cross into Galicia with the cooler weather and the ever-increasing number of pilgrims making their way to Santiago.

My first negative experience on the Camino happened today. I was on a particularly steep and barren stretch of trail that wound through grazing fields for a local farmer's livestock. I hadn't come upon another pilgrim on the trail for quite some time so when I heard hooves walking up behind me, I turned around. I saw a tanned, good-looking, burly man probably in his fifties sitting atop this beautiful horse. As he came up, I smiled and greeted him as I had every other soul on the Camino with a simple, "Hola, buenos dias."

He greeted me kindly enough with the usual, "Hola, peregrina. Buenos dias." Now, by this point on the Camino I had learned to understand a bit of Spanish simply through immersion. I would listen to people speak and be able to pick out enough words and context to understand what they would say. So while I could grasp what the man was saying, I didn't fully understand until the whole situation was over. He told me all in Spanish, there is a fork up ahead in the trail with a very small waymarker. Most pilgrims miss it and go the wrong way. I'll go with you to show you.

I said no thank you but he insisted and started walking alongside me. He then started asking questions like: how old are you, are you married, are you alone, where are you stopping today, would you like to come to my house, can I kiss you, just let me kiss you.

We came upon a slight bend in the trail and the man brought his horse quite close and forced me into the bend, blocking me off from the trail with the massive flank of his horse. As there was a wire fence behind me keeping me on the trail and off the grazing fields, I was well pinned in.

My answers were getting more and more terse and I was getting more and more anxious as he started to dismount. I decided to shove past his horse out of the bend in the trail and I started walking pretty fast. He stayed on his horse and began pursuing me with more questions and invitations. Finally, I stopped in my tracks, turned around and shouted, "Por favor, basta!" Please, enough!

I learned that phrase in Italian and prayed it held the same sentiment in Spanish. To my surprise, the man simply smiled, winked at me, turned his horse around, and went back down the trail. I stood there until he was out of sight then I turned and ran.

I reached the next village and stopped at the very populated cafe where I waited until a group of pilgrims left so I could tag along with them. I was doubly thankful when I arrived at O'Cebreiro around noon just before the midday church service started. I emerged from the trail among the parishioners, sweaty, dirty and on edge so I just walked straight into the full church and sat down in a pew in the last row.

I didn't even really pay attention to the priest. I just prayed: Dear God, thank you for keeping me safe today. Please don't let me let this experience taint the rest of the Camino. Help keep me vigilant and help me keep my heart and mind open to Your teachings. Please also bless and keep safe all of my fellow pilgrims. Amen.

Camino Day 8

30 August, 2014 - Herrerias

Today I climbed a mountain. But the view was better on the way up than it was from the summit.

For some reason today, I didn't want to stop and rest at all. I think it was partly because I wanted to get my hands on my bag that never made it to Villafranca. Oh yeah, that happened...

I never realized that you had to call to have a pick-up reserved for JacoTrans. The first time I did it in Rabanal, Gene didn't say - or didn't know - that you had to make a reservation. I guess someone else had reserved a pick up so my bag ended up in Ponferrada with no problem. But from Ponferrada to Villafranca, I must have been the only one with a bag to transport because no one came to pick it up!

I had a bit of a meltdown in Villafranca but the hospitalero was so nice and helpful. He called JacoTrans for me to arrange my bag to be sent to Vega de Valcarce for me. He also called to the hostel/bar in Ponferrada to confirm my bag was still there. I cried from the heat and dehydration and frustration at my stupid mistake. Crying usually makes people either feel sorry for me or feel really uncomfortable. The hospitalero seemed more about the former but he was very down-to-business until everything was worked out. He also didn't speak much English so I was trying to speak and understand Spanish which was just aggravating the situation. Finally, he asked another pilgrim to translate and that made things go a bit more smoothly.

So my meltdown, coupled with a sunburn from the walk through the vineyards yesterday, made me very tired and agitated. Also, I was waiting to get my bag before taking a shower so I didn't take a shower until around 6pm once everything had been dealt with - which means my dirty clothes weren't hung out to dry until 6:30pm so they were still quite damp when I brought them in from the dark for the night.

Anyway, I now have my bag but my feet are so tired from not stopping basically all day.

The mountain I climbed this morning was nice and good exercise (like I need additional exercise out here on the Camino!) but I don't know if it was worth it. Over half of today's walk was on pavement along a highway so my hips and joints hurt much more than usual. I don't know - I guess it was cool being so high up and away from everyone, but I was alone again for most of the day.

I don't know why it is so different now than when I first started walking. I just haven't met anyone going my same pace - or even ending up in the same towns. Maybe it will be different after tomorrow. After I get to O'Cebreiro, most days are pretty standard 20-25 kilometers or less per day. Maybe I will meet new friends with whom I can share the Camino.

Although, I did meet Frank and Jerry today. Frank and Jerry are two Irish men probably the same age as Dad who met each other on the Camino about three years ago. They started in St. Jean and walked to Burgos. The next year they walked from Burgos to Ponferrada. This year they are finishing up, walking from Ponferrada to Santiago. They both are really quite lovely and their wives are both here on the Camino as well. The two men walk together and the two women walk together - I only met Frank and Jerry on the Way but I met their wives at the hotel this evening. The four of them took a taxi to mass up the mountain in O'Cebreiro and I am stealthily waiting for them to get back so I might be able to eat dinner with them.

I feel a bit pathetic trying to latch on to them but it is so nice not being alone for a while - and being able to speak English unabashedly, too!

I wonder if this isn't an overarching lesson that God is trying to teach me on this trip...Maybe there is such a thing as being too independent. I mean, we're social creatures aren't we? Maybe God is trying to tell me that I need to give up (I don't know if give up is the right term) being so independent and learn to lean on others.

My whole life, I have been completely loved by my family, but I've never experienced romantic love before. This is most likely due to my being overweight and under-confident for my entire life. I would allow myself to have crushes on boys growing up, but I never would let myself want anything more than that. I always justified it by reasoning that I would be going off to college so why would I want a boyfriend in high school. Or in college I knew that I wouldn't end up in Seattle so why start a relationship that I would just have to move away from. I didn't even let myself fully desire a romantic relationship because I knew deep down that it wasn't dependent on me wanting it - it was dependent on someone else wanting me...and I never thought that would ever happen. So I just became comfortable with being by myself.

Maybe experiencing this time alone along the Way is to prepare me to have an open heart for when someone special comes into my life. Maybe I need to use this time to begin to build confidence in my new body and mind so I can accept that someone just might want me and that I might let myself want someone back.

Dear God, please help me see and accept what you are teaching me here on the Camino. I want to learn and be better so badly. Please help me. Amen.

Camino Day 7

29 August, 2014 - Villafranca del Bierzo

Lots of things happened today so this is going to be a long entry. I'll start off by saying that I felt God's presence three times today.

The first time was through a fellow pilgrim: Jose from Mexico.

I left very early in the morning - like before dawn early - from Ponferrada. It was actually so dark that I seriously considered turning back in to the albergue because I didn't want to walk through the city and suburbs by myself.  But I saw another pilgrim so I decided to follow along behind him. It was quite a ways before we spoke to each other but I truly believe God sent him to ease my fears and keep me safe through the dark city streets. I'd like to think that if I didn't see this pilgrim that I would have gone back to the albergue. But knowing me...I don't know. I guess I'll have to test that boundary another time.

So my guardian angel is named Jose and he is from Mexico. We passed each other several times in the dark. One of us would stop to take a picture or check a waymarker and the other would nod or smile at the other. And finally, as the darkness began to lift and the urban concrete and alleys were left behind, the dawn light was enough for me to actually see his face, and so I asked his name. Jose and I walked together for a few miles. We talked about home, the people we've met along the Way, and our plans after we finish the Camino. We talked about our families, our time in school, and how we hoped the Camino would change us.

As we approached a small town, I decided to stop for some tea and breakfast while Jose decided to keep moving. Before we said goodbye, I thanked him. I told him  that even though we didn't talk earlier, I was happy he was there - because walking alone in the dark is scary and he made it better.

The second time I felt God's presence today was through a woman in Valtuille de Arriba.

My guidebook mentioned that the people in this village have a deep respect for the Camino and its pilgrims. That, coupled with the hundreds of vineyards I walked through (not to mention my aching feet and the scorching sun), made me want to stop for some water and wine.

I stopped at a bar nestled in a bend in the single road that wound through the small village. The only seating was outdoors but the patio was shaded by an ancient-looking wooden trellis covered with grapevines. Colorful wind chimes and ornaments hung from the trellis and you had to negotiate a short but narrow dirt trail with stepping stones in order to reach the wooden benches still shaped like tree trunks.

I unbuckled my backpack and slumped it on the ground as I wearily took a seat and wiped my sweaty forehead. The woman who owns the bar brought me some water and asked if I would like anything else. I asked if I could try some local wine and she beamed this proud, excited smile at me. The red wine (vino tinto) that she brought out was from the vineyard at the top of the hill I had just come down from - her neighbor's family has owned that vineyard for over one hundred years!

Understatement of the year: the wine was spectacular. Now, I don't have the most discerning of palettes but sitting there in the haze of alcohol and what I'm sure was minor heat exhaustion, I swear in this wine I could taste the sun and feel the spirit of the grapes having just walked through the same vineyards where this wine was born.

As I got up to leave, the woman told me to wait for just a moment. She placed on the table a small pebble of red quartz and told me about the tradition of Jacinto de Compostela. The star clusters of the red quartz represents the field of stars the first pilgrim followed to Santiago. Pilgrims now carry the red quartz as a talisman for good luck and good health.

The woman took my hand, closed it around the red quartz pebble and said this to me, "I have this gift for you, peregrina, because I too am peregrina." This really spoke to me. I don't know if she meant that she has literally walked the Camino before (as many locals do) or if she meant figuratively that she is a pilgrim in life. Either way, I felt a bond with her and I hope she is well.

The third time I felt God's presence was on the Way between Valtuille and Villafranca.

I was once again walking along a trail of loose dirt through hundreds of vineyards and I came upon this steep rise. I was dreading the uphill effort as the sun beat down on me but when I reached the top I suddenly started to cry.

The whole valley was laid out before me and I was overcome with gratitude. I found - or rather was given - the shade of a single tree. A small breeze cooled the sweat at my temples and rustled the hair that had sprung loose from my braid. The vines had dropped bunches of grapes in the rich, red soil.

This picture and my words cannot appropriately describe what made this scene so splendid other than the feeling that washed over me the moment it all came into view. It was like I had finally found the me-shaped hole in this world and in this moment, I filled it up.

Dear God, thank you for sending me Jose from Mexico, the woman from the bar in Valtuille and the truly awe-inspiring sites I saw today. Your glory did not go unnoticed. Please bless Jose, the peregrina, and the wine.

Camino Day 6

28 August, 2014 - Molinaseca

I've stopped in Molinaseca for breakfast :)

Maybe this is too much information but I think I need to change my shirt. I've been wearing this yellow long-sleeved one every day that I've been walking so I wouldn't have to worry about applying and reapplying sunscreen.* But I think the color is attracting flies - though now that I think about it, it could be the smell...but I don't think it smells bad, I swear! I promise I rinse and/or wash this shirt every single day!

*Funny story about sunscreen on the Camino: apparently, many Europeans don't use sunscreen - some don't even know what it is! I was walking along with Almu, Andrea, and Nicole on my first day on the Camino and we had stopped on the side of the trail to rest. Before we got up to start walking again, I took out my sunscreen spray and started reapplying to my face and neck. The three girls gave me the weirdest looks! Andrea finally asked me what I was doing and I told them I burn very easily so I have to apply sunscreen every few hours. They all kind of giggled in a friendly way and Almu said that most Europeans like to get sunburnt. When they go back to work with a sunburn, it tells everyone that they just got back from holiday - like they are bragging without having to say anything. I love how much I'm learning about other cultures!

Anyway, as I was walking down the massive hills from Riego de Ambros - sloloming through blackberry brambles - I had to keep reminding myself to look backward at the sunrise. And that made me think, what if the best sunrises happen while our backs are turned? How often do we miss opportunities because we are so focused on what is ahead that we don't stop to see what is all around us?

I'll write again this afternoon once I stop for the night in Ponferrada...

28 August, 2014 - Ponferrada

Man, does this place make me miss Torino! I came into the hostel and the girl checking me in is Karla's Spanish doppelganger! Plus, I went to the supermercado to get dinner (and, let's face it, breakfast, lunch and dinner for tomorrow, too). All I need now is Karla and Alaina to run around the city with me to find a bar that will serve us tres margaritas de fragola!

It is nice being in an actual city again. Astorga was only kind of a city...it didn't feel like people actually lived there. I know they do, Astorga was just such a medieval city that it was more of an attraction than a place where people actually lived lives. It was also kind of fun coming into the city through a suburban neighborhood. I saw people on runs, on walks, walking their dogs and going to work. You can get so swept away by the old-world feel of the Camino that you forget that actual people live and work here.

I got to talk to Mom again today on the phone! She wasn't really awake when I called yesterday from the Cruce de Ferro so we set up a time to talk before she went to work this morning. I sat out on the beautiful patio under the shade of a few trees in front of the albergue. Mom was so happy to chat and sounded so excited for me. She's been forwarding all of my emails on to the whole family and she is going to send me all of their replies. It'll be fun to hear from everyone. :)

I was thinking about going to mass tonight again. The albergue is run partly by the church next door so I feel kind of obligated but I think I will just go to bed early and pray before going to sleep.

It's a very early day tomorrow. I'm going to try to leave by 6am; partly to give my things to JacoTrans so they are sent ahead to Villafranca and partly because I will be walking through vineyards during the hottest part of the day and I would like to avoid as much heat exhaustion as I can. So I will sign off for the night and prepare for a long trek tomorrow.

Dear God, thank you for helping me appreciate my experience here on the Camino - the people, the places and the scenery. I can't wait to take in more of your glory tomorrow. If it is in your will, please help me meet mew friends as well. I am starting to feel a bit lonely. Amen.

Camino Day 5

27 August, 2014 - Riego de Ambros

Today was a good day. Hiking uphill is actually not that bad - it's a nice change from so much flat terrain. The downhill portions, however, are not very nice. I think I will be sore tomorrow mostly from the downhill.

This morning I reached the highest point on the whole Camino - El Cruce de Ferro (the Iron Cross). The cross itself is somewhat small and quite humble. It sits atop a huge obelisk which itself sits atop a huge mound of dirt and rocks that pilgrims ceremoniously leave behind.

The idea of pilgrims leaving something at the foot of the cross is to symbolize leaving behind or letting go of things unneeded. I, however, did not leave anything on the pile except my footprints. In fact, I took the opportunity to call Mom and Dad. To me, the Cruce de Ferro is more a way of remembering and honoring what I have left behind rather than learning to leave things behind. I got pretty emotional when it took me a few times to get through to Mom and Dad but it was so amazing to hear their voices again. Especially since it has been almost a year of seeing them every day. I think moving to England after the Camino may be tougher than I thought. I'm not having any second thoughts, I just think I may need to emotionally prepare myself for more homesickness than I've ever felt before.

Now on to the funny thing about today: I am the ONLY pilgrim staying in this albergue tonight! A few pilgrims have come through asking to use the toilet or wait for a taxi to take them to the next town but it is now almost 7pm and I am still the only one here! I am a bit surprised because Molinaseca is still another 6 kilometers away - though I did arrive pretty early this afternoon. I didn't want to walk during the hottest part of the day again so I stopped at around 1pm. Also, I think Acebo, the town just before here s a bit more pilgrim-friendly. Oh well...just another weird Camino experience!

I am now having dinner by myself because I am fairly certain I am still the ONLY pilgrim in this entire town.

I am in the pilgrim bar, Restaurante de Ruta Santiago, and I ordered a sausage cooked in red wine or "chorizo de vino tinto" - I probably just made that up...Anyway, I still need to figure out how to ask for things in Spanish. I don't think any of the locals will be able to help with translations though.

But people-watching the locals should be interesting at least...or my attempts at interacting with them. I think I am going to try to put together an intelligible sentence now - all I want is water and wine!

Spanish phrases to learn:
-May I have red/white wine, please?
-May I have water, please?
-I would like a table, please?
-May I have...(puedo tener...)

Dear God, please bless Mom and Dad and all of my family and friends back home. Keep them safe and healthy and help them know that even though I always seem to be running off, I will always love them. Amen

Camino Day 4

26 August, 2014 - Rabanal Del Camino

So today I decided to just let my mind wander to wherever it wanted to go. I've spent the last few days doing purposeful introspection so I thought I'd take a day off. It turns out that I didn't have many revelatory thoughts...the deepest thought I had was when I realized just how much the wind rushing through trees sounds like water. But let's be honest, that is more of an observation than a deep thought.

But it was a good thing to experience I think. Not having a set purpose for my thoughts today, I found myself defaulting to planning and logistics. I paid more attention to what time it was and made a game out of calculating my average speed every hour or so.

Then there were a few times throughout the day that I would concentrate on absolutely nothing at all for a couple of minutes - like when you find your eyes relaxing and you start staring out into space. That may also have been from me being tired despite my rest yesterday in Astorga. I bet I just need to gain some momentum, you know - get into a rhythm of waking up, walking, eating breakfast, walking, eating lunch, walking, settling into the albergue, eating dinner, and going to bed. Yeah, I think settling into a routine will help.

I have entered a more mountainous area now and because I'm higher up in elevation, it is much much cooler here in Rabanal. I am sitting out on the patio/courtyard area and the wind is picking up and blowing the clouds by pretty quickly overhead. Some of the clouds even have some rain in them - but they just send down a bit of drizzle.

Well, Rabanal began as my least favorite place on the Camino but quickly became my favorite so far. I was just approaching the entrance to the town when a huge tour bus came up from behind me along the road and pulled over to park a few hundred yards ahead of me. As I got closer, about twenty or thirty people piled out of the idling bus with their little backpacks, their hiking boots, and their walking sticks! I couldn't believe it. I had walked over 13 miles with my life on my back and these people just pulled right on up and started waltzing into town with their little walking sticks - which they didn't even need! Seriously, most of the people were carrying their walking sticks instead of using them!

I was overcome with anger and a sense of self-righteousness - like they had cheated. But most of all, I was afraid that their big group would take up all the beds at the good albergue. So I sped up and overtook most of the group; most of them were wandering around the market anyway. I made it to the albergue (by this time it was about 1pm) and saw that it didn't open until 3pm.

I was still in a huff so I took a deep breath. I unloaded by backpack, took off my boots and socks, and took out my guidebook to distract myself. I read that this albergue is run by the Confraternity of St. James in London, it runs off of donations which means there is no official charge to stay here for the night, and they only accept pilgrims who arrive unassisted (a.k.a. NOT on a bus). I felt relieved and I felt justified.

So I waited around for two hours chatting with other pilgrims, stretching and walking around the plaza area outside the front of the albergue. When the place opened at 3pm, the four hospitaleros greeted us. Two of them were a husband and wife from Denver and the other two were a pair of sisters-in-law from England. One of the ladies from England started going through the rules of the albergue but started by saying that the most important rule is that tea time is at 4pm. They are so welcoming and loving. The same lady said that she sees all the pilgrims who come through as her temporary children - pretty amazing!

Sitting here in the courtyard, I look back at the way I felt toward the people on the bus and I feel disappointed that I let myself think that way. Everyone is on the Camino for different reasons. And who am I to judge how someone experiences the Camino? In the future, I am going to try harder to turn any negative thoughts that I have into positive ones. Whenever my feet start to hurt or my pack feels too heavy, I will think about how blessed I am to have the strength to keep going (or the freedom to stop if I need to). Whenever I feel hot and tired, I will remember to embrace the discomfort - because it is only temporary and soon I will have a cool place to rest.

Dear God, please bless this lovely town and these wonderful hosts. Please help me turn any negative thoughts into positive ones and please help me remember how blessed I am to be on this pilgrimage. Amen.

Camino Day 3 - Rest Day!

25 August, 2014 - Astorga, 3pm

My friends from New Jersey and I have settled in to our new albergue for our second night in Astorga. We just got back from having lunch - we had bread, cheese and wine in one of the town squares - and we are now eating chocolate and drinking more wine in the courtyard of our albergue. There is also a small tiled salt-water pool for us to dunk our weary feet into.

We are now surrounded by a wonderful group of people who are staying with us here in the albergue. There is a man from Britain who I learn is a Chelsea supporter. I tell him I am a Liverpool supporter and he is shocked that a GIRL from AMERICA is a football fan at all let alone a Liverpool fan. This man is walking with a father/daughter pairing from Belfast. The daughter, Maria, and I were talking about football and I mentioned that the US men's team will be playing against Ireland in a friendly in November and she said she might be interested in going to the match with me!

This is the first group of pilgrims I've met who walked all the way from St. Jean. They were telling me about meeting a group of women from New York on the Camino. This group of women were walking the Camino for a long weekend. They would send their bags ahead every morning so they didn't carry hardly anything during the day. After their Camino, they were flying to Paris, Milan and London for some shopping. The Chelsea supporter scoffed and called them "packer slackers". While I initially found his comment funny, I now find it pretty harsh. Everyone does the Camino for different reasons and who are we to judge those with different motivations from ourselves?

Then there is the Canadian couple, Shauna and Miles. They currently live in Toronto but are originally from Nova Scotia and spent a year in Vancouver so we talked about my few trips to Vancouver while studying in Seattle.

The last couple had just gotten off the train to start their Camino - two Americans named Molly and Michael. Molly is from the Midwest originally and lived in New York before moving to the West Coast to be with Mike. I can't remember where Mike is originally from but he spent time in San Francisco and both of them recently moved to Seattle. Molly is going back to school at the University of Washington and Mike is trying to get a job in the gaming/tech industry.

I love meeting all of these new people!

There is also a Spanish massage therapist who set up her table on the ground floor of the albergue and I was her first customer of the day. It was a rip-off at 15 euros for 15 minutes, but after my walk yesterday, it felt amazing!

And it was during this massage (don't ask me why it happened then) that I had this epiphany. I realized - actually I think I always knew this but it was only now that I was able to mentally articulate it and admit it to myself - that I have been going through life as if I am a burden to everyone I meet. I know this is probably a result of my low self esteem from being overweight for as long as I can remember. But now that I am getting that under control (a topic for another post), I can start to work through my emotional barriers.

Living life as a burden is a horrible, horrible thing. I am shy, tend to be overly considerate, and always afraid of offending others. I have also been known to leave early from past social occasions because I would get these minor panic attacks (detailed in a past post of mine). But here on the Camino, everyone takes everyone else for who they are. Everyone is working on something about themselves. I think I need to give a bit more credit to those I interact with. I need to have faith that they are genuinely interested in me and not just going through motions.

It is an unwritten rule for pilgrims to be willing to give without receiving. If that is what I remember when entering into interactions with other pilgrims - that they are willingly giving their time and energy - then maybe I can carry that thinking over into life after the Camino.

Dear God, thank you for helping me see myself better. Please bless all of my new friends and all of my fellow peregrinos.

Camino Day 2

25 August, 2014 - Astorga, 10:00am

I definitely overdid it yesterday. I was walking way too fast in order to keep up with my Czech friend who I met in Mazarife on Saturday night. I also should have stopped at the town before Astorga. I even passed an albergue right on the road but I thought, "No, its only another 3 miles, I can do this."

It's pretty amazing how much the body can handle when you push your limits. It was a very long, very hot day yesterday and I did end up getting a couple of blisters on both of my heels. So I am going to spend today resting here in Astorga so I can be a bit more refreshed for tomorrow. Even though it was so difficult yesterday, there were some pretty amazing things along the Way as well.

I left at around 7:40am which was much later than I wanted to leave so I made sure to keep up my pace in the morning knowing that I had about 20 miles to walk. Although I couldn't help but stop a few times to take pictures of the sun rising over the farmland outside of Mazarife. It was glorious to stop and look around every so often and see the countryside bathed in the golden light of the rising sun...

It was also kind of crazy walking along in the morning on my own. I'm always hypersensitive when walking by myself so I starting psyching myself out when I saw this man on the isolated road ahead of me pull his car over. I looked to see if there were any other pilgrims ahead or behind me. There were two a ways ahead but I was pretty sure if I screamed they would hear me. Then I started thinking in how many languages I could say Help! I know, this is pretty morbid thinking, but being a woman in this world can be hard work sometimes.

I was especially glad of my mental recon work when I saw the man reach into the back seat of his car and pull out a shotgun. But then his dog jumped out and a more accurate picture started forming in my head. The man started walking away from the road into the corn fields. By this point, I was passing his car so I looked down the pathway he took and I saw him just before he ducked into a row of corn. As I was walking away I heard POP POP POP and a flock of ducks rose from the fields to fly away. It wasn't until later that I remembered a sign that Almu had pointed out on my first day:

She said it means private hunting land. All I could think of was that I hope that man knows not to point his gun toward the road where all the pilgrims were walking!

Anyway, along the Way to the first major town of the day, Hospital De Orbigo, my Czech friend caught up to me (he walks very fast). I call him my Czech friend because I never actually asked him his name. I found this realization quite odd. Usually, a name is the first thing you learn from someone but for most people on the Camino, you just fall into conversation with one another. Usually you ask where are you from? Where did you start the Camino? Where are you walking to today? And if you really get to know them, you ask What made you decide to walk the Camino or What do you want to get out of walking the Camino? Then, if you are walking a different pace, you say good bye and "Buen Camino". Oddly enough, asking someone's name is not an essential part of conversations along the Camino. I wonder why that is...well, whatever the reason, I want to get better at learning people's names.

A true legend of the Camino is the giving nature of those who live along the Way. But I hadn't really experienced it until yesterday. I was walking along a side street of Villares De Orbigo (just outside of Hospital De Orbigo) when a man comes out of his garage calling to me "un segundo, senorina, un segundo!" I stop and he invites me into his garage (which is wide open and I make sure not to go too far in). On the hood of his car is a pack of cookies and a bunch of papers. He offers me a cookie and asks me to write a message and sign my name and where I am from in his "guest book". After trying to make conversation (in Spanish so it wasn't going so well) he asked me if he could say goodbye the Spanish way with a kiss on each cheek. I say yes and thank you for asking. We kiss on each cheek then I go on my way. He truly seemed curious to learn about me. Such grace and love is expressed along the Camino.

Quite a bit further along yesterday, I just finished walking up a relatively steep hill in a very arid stretch of pathway with no shade. But the guidebook mentioned a "cantina" up ahead so I pushed doggedly on. It turns out this cantina was more like a large fruit stand with a covered and decorated bench for pilgrims to rest under.

It was run by a father and son and sponsored by the local diocese. It was such a welcome respite! I put my backpack down amongst the others and the man offered me a huge slice of watermelon - it was the best watermelon I had ever tasted! All of the food and drink were free for the pilgrims (there wasn't even a place for donations) and the man and his son were so gracious. The son in particular (who looked to be in his early 20s) seemed interested in talking to every one of the pilgrims. There was even a guitar there and two pilgrims - one from Italy and the other from Spain - took turns playing and singing while the rest of us ate, drank and enjoyed the much needed rest.

It's true that you don't really appreciate something until you need it. I felt like I was taking the kindness of the hospitaleros for granted because I had heard and read so much about it. But after yesterday, experiencing the kindness of those who live (not work) along the Camino, I will always take time to appreciate the kindness of others.

And this morning, as I sit on the Plaza Catedral in Astorga amongst fellow peregrinos, I feel a wave of gratitude come over me and tears come to my eyes. I am so so thankful that I can do this pilgrimage. I am trying to take any and all negative thoughts and feelings and turn them positive. I am not only learning about myself, I am trying to better myself. I only hope that I can carry these experiences with me after I finish the Camino.

Dear God, THANK YOU for allowing me to take this pilgrimage. Thank you for shining your light through the actions of my fellow humans. Please bless those who live along the Camino and continue to show support to the pilgrims. And bless my fellow pilgrims and keep them and myself safe and healthy. Amen.

Camino Day 1

23 August, 2014 - Villar de Mazarife, Hostel de San Antonio de Padua

My first day on the Camino is complete! I walked from Leon to Mazarife which is almost 14 miles. I walked more than a half marathon today! But even more exciting is that I made new friends. :)

I met a very nice group of people from New Jersey: Father Anthony, Mark, Mary, Martha and Eileen. They are all part of a walking ministry in their church so they had been training for the Camino for the past few months. I saw them at the Pilgrim mass in Leon last night, joined them for dinner and walked with them this morning until La Virgen de Camino. They stopped at a café and I decided to move on.

I walked alone until Oncina and as I was walking along I noticed how happy I was. I found that I was smiling and I had this light fluttering feeling in my heart. I hadn't felt that happy or excited for anything in a long time. After worrying about logistics and visas and packing for so long, there is something wonderful and freeing about only worrying about the next few hours of your day. And now, this will be my life for two and a half weeks. I will get the endorphins of exercise, the freedom to stop and start where and when I want, and the opportunity both for introspection and for the meeting of new friends.

In my solitude, I also noticed that I depend a lot on my guidebook for directions. So starting in Oncina, I decided that I would try to trust that I would find the next shell way-marker and it would point me in the right direction. Also along my Way today I keep thinking how much Dad would enjoy this trip. I wish he was here right now but I am also glad that I am on my own. I think I would become too complacent, too dependent on his expertise as well as his company.

Speaking of company, I met another group of pilgrims in Oncina: Almu from Madrid and Nicole and Andrea from Austria. Almu and Nicole knew each other from studying abroad and Nicole and Andrea were friends from school. Almu offered me a place in her guest room when I return to Madrid! And Nicole offered the same if I ever find myself in Vienna. I think I am slowly starting to get this whole meeting new people thing.

I walked with these girls to Mazarife (we arrived around 1pm) where Andrea moved on rather quickly after lunch and Almu and Nicole were going to look for a ride to the next village. I, on the other hand, went in search of a place to stay for the night.

I settled on the Hostel de San Antonio de Padua. As this is only the second night, I'm not quite sure what to look for when choosing a place to stay. This is where I like to consult my guidebook once again. It has recommendations and comments on the general feel of places as well as listings of the amenities each place offers. This hostel was nice and quiet and, while it sat on the main road as you enter the town, it seemed safe and serene. Plus the hospitalero was sitting on the front porch as I walked up and she was so warm and welcoming!

Thinking about the people I have already met and the people I have yet to meet: while I will surely meet and pass by (and be passed by!) many many people along the Way, I am acutely aware that not all of them will become friends - but that is okay. I just have to remember that that is life. People pass through others' lives for different reasons - they may or may not make a significant impact. I have faith that God will put in my path the people who will impact my life and whose lives I will impact as well.

I am now sitting in the front yard. It is 4 o'clock and I have a very very long walk tomorrow. I wish I had an ice bath to dunk my feet into.

Dear God, please bless my new friends and let their journeys along the Way be enlightened and full of truth. Bless those who I have yet to meet and bless my own journey. Show me what you want me to learn from this experience and help me do so. Amen.

An after-dinner addition to my earlier entry:
A note about food - dinner last night in Leon was my first foray into the menu style of eating here in Spain. Lots of restaurants offer "menus" which, for a set price and from a limited selection of dishes, offer a starter, a main course, a dessert and a drink. Because most places along the Camino offer these menus for a very reasonable price (anywhere from 4-10 euros), this is the usual fare for pilgrims.

However, because of my eating restrictions, I found it hard to eat all - really even most - of the food that was brought out. The only thing is that leaving food on your plate is kind of a signal that it wasn't very good - in some restaurants, it can even be taken as an insult if you don't finish your entire meal.

Well tonight was a similar experience, except that the hospitaleros here cook dinner as a community meal for all the pilgrims staying in their hostel. After a full day of walking, I was actually relatively hungry so I ate my entire salad, my whole main course (which was an amazing paella dish), plus most of my dessert which was a lemon-flavored cake. Not only was this way too much food than I should have eaten, I consumed it all way too fast - and I found this out the hard way (read: I felt like I had to vomit).

So I learned my first hard lesson of the Camino: to not have these menus, but instead just order single items from the menu ("solo"). Alright, off to bed now. I'm up super early tomorrow morning so I don't get in to Astorga too late.

Pre-Camino

While on my pilgrimage, I kept a journal fairly regularly so I want to go stage by stage to share my journal entries and my thoughts looking back on each particular step of my journey in my next few blog posts. I will write my posts in the present tense as if I am currently writing in my journal...

21 August, 2014 - flying over Spain
It isn't until I spot Spain from my window seat on the plane that I allow my mind to wander away from travel logistics to the commencement of my journey along the Camino. I had been in such a state after missing my connecting flight in Atlanta then almost missing another connecting flight from London to Madrid. My mind has been in super-focus-travel-mode, racing with thoughts about my bag getting lost, mapping out where to go and how to get to the next terminal, quadruple checking that I still had my passport and boarding passes, etc.

So when I let my mind release those thoughts and grab hold of the Camino, I start thinking about how I feel and what I want to get out of this pilgrimage. Trepidation and excitement are the two words I have come up with to describe the most prominent emotions I am feeling. Trepidation mostly at not knowing enough Spanish to communicate effectively and excitement at finally getting to take this pilgrimage that I have been dreaming about for two years.

I'm not really sure why I want to make this pilgrimage other than that it seemed to be an amazing adventure. I also have to say that it gives me a sense of pride and validation when I would tell people that I am going to make this pilgrimage and they would admire my "bravery" and "adventurous spirit". It isn't that I am doing this pilgrimage so I can brag about it to people and solicit compliments and praise from them - it's just that it makes me feel special when I do something that not a lot of people have done before. Finding something in yourself that sets you apart from others feels pretty good.

But I hope that I find a deeper meaning to this journey along the Way and maybe even get a sense of purpose for this stage of my life. I plan to pray and/or meditate every day on the Camino so God, please help me find my Way...

22 August, 2014 - on the train from Madrid to Leon
By the time I get to Leon, I will have been travelling for almost exactly three days straight. I began on Tuesday at 5am California time (2pm Spain time) and will end around 2pm Spain time on Friday. And while I recognize how important the journey is compared to the destination, I will be VERY happy to finally be at my physical starting point for the Camino.

I am now on the train to Leon having just left Madrid. It is a three hour ride and I am going to begin preparing mentally for the Camino by taking this time to appreciate the scenery, pray, and probably nap. God, thank you for this opportunity to walk the Camino. Let this time help me become closer to you through physical exertion and solitude. But also please help me make new friends along the Way.

22 August, 2014 - Leon
So I fell down within 20 minutes of arriving in Leon. I slipped on wet pavement on a crowded sidewalk but so many people came to help me up. I don't know what any of them were saying but I think they were all very nice. I was even wearing my backpack so while some people were grabbing my arms to help me up, others were lifting my backpack.

It wasn't too embarrassing and I wasn't hurt so I just walked on. After wandering for a while and loosely following the map in my guidebook, I eventually found the convent where I will stay tonight. After a minor panic attack at remembering that I don't actually know how to ask for a bed in Spanish, I was able to check in (using English and some pantomiming), settle down and explore Leon for a bit.

One thing that Dad kept saying before I left was to make sure I take in all the sights along the Way - to not push myself so much that I only experience walking and not the places I walk through. So I would have felt bad if I had just taken a nap on my first day instead of exploring a bit. :)

I visited the cathedral, wandered a bit more, bought a conchella (shell) for my backpack and am now back at the convent. I plan to attend the pilgrim mass this evening and get the pilgrim menu dinner at the convent. I also want to find a grocery store but I can always get food along the Way tomorrow.

I am going to try to use this journal more for observations and insights rather than a narrative - the operative word is try. I also like the idea of ending each entry with a quick prayer so...Dear God, please bless the hospitaleros who volunteer their time to helping all of the pilgrims. Let them get as much out of helping us as we find comfort in their welcoming presence.

The Way of Saint James

Right, this is my blog dedicated specifically to my pilgrimage along the Camino de Santiago! This and the following posts are basically copied and pasted from my other blog which you can read here.

This adventure merits several blog posts but a quick caption is this: I went on a pilgrimage along the Camino de Santiago. I walked 200 miles or about 350 kilometers from Leon to Santiago de Compostela across the north of Spain. In my next few blog posts, I want to outline and look back on the journal entries I wrote along The Way. But for this post, I want to share two poems I read while on the Camino.

This first poem was posted on the inside of the very first albergue I stayed in in Leon. To me, it is all about taking your experiences to heart. The Camino was a lovely break from reality, but it was so much more meaningful than your usual beach holiday. On the Camino, I learned things about myself, about my fellow pilgrims, and about my faith in God. This poem is all about bridging that reality gap from the Camino to our everyday lives.

The Prayer of La Faba by Fraydino
Though I may have travelled all the roads,
Crossed mountains and valleys from East to West,
If I have not discovered the freedom to be myself,
I have arrived nowhere

Though I may have shared all of my possessions with people of other languages and cultures,
Made friends with Pilgrims of a thousand paths or shared albergue with saints and princes,
If I am not capable of forgiving my neighbor tomorrow,
I have arrived nowhere

Though I may have carried my pack from beginning to end and waited for every pilgrim in need of encouragement,
Or given my bed to one who arrived later than I, given my bottle of water in exchange for nothing,
If upon returning to my home and work I am not able to create brotherhood or to make happiness, peace and unity,
I have arrived nowhere

Though I may have had food and water each day and enjoyed a roof and shower every night,
Or may have had my injuries well attended,
If I have not discovered in all that the love of God,
I have arrived nowhere

If from today I do not continue walking on your path searching for and living according to what I have learned,
If from today I do not see in every person, friend or foe a companion on the Camino,
If from today I cannot recognize God,
I have arrived nowhere

This second poem speaks to me regarding judgement of others. It says to me that we all travel together, though we may be on separate paths. And to judge others simply because they take a different path than us is like judging one part of our own journey as more important than another.

They Too, Have Climbed Mountains by Fred Lansford from Songs From An Inner Silence
As you climb a high hill
and look back to the valley from whence you came...
Which of your footsteps along the way
would you hold in a measure of judgement
above others? ... Would you say
the steps that carried you forth at your beginning
were of lesser importance
than those by which you now arrive?

Neither judge you your brothers
when they stumble with eagerness or limp with pain.
Whether they be presently walking on a high hill
or in a darkened valley
they too, have climbed mountains.
And their pathways would merge with all others
ere any reach their destination.

Is it not written on the Scrolls of Time
that all are travelling together?
Truly, none may take into their vision
that permanent glow of morning
if the light of its inner radiance
be shielded from the eyes of but one.

I truly believe I saw these poems by the grace of God at exactly the times I was supposed to see them. The first was all about getting the most out of the journey and bringing what I learn back to my every day life. The second was about the destination and not judging others on how they reached theirs.

One thing that I and countless other pilgrims discovered along The Way is that the Camino provides. You may not realize that you need what it provides, but it provides nonetheless. And finding these poems is just one example of that.